Content with Losing.

So God decided that today that I needed to think and ponder why we are the way we are. Today was something that is still stirring the kool-aid of my mind.

Why are we content with Losing?

Okay as Christians and according to I think Romans 8 or something we are more than conquerors and we are told by Jesus that with God all things are possible. We believe them to be true and even speak them over people in their time of need. But how many times if we are having a so and so day and living through mediocrity are we living as more than conquerors? How many times do we give up when we got the power of Christ on our side? We give up and we lose out of whatever God wanted to do…

I dunno I keep asking God why but so far nothing… Maybe I just need to live this thing out…

Haiti…

I figured that it’s about time that I talk about the hottest of the hot topics of the day. Haiti. I haven’t had a whole lot of time to devote to thinking about what has happened which just wrecks me in a lot of ways. As most of my readers know, my first ever missions trip was to Haiti. Despite having fun, I was broken for the country. I will never forget when we were first riding in the bus to the Mission of Hope in Port-Au-Prince, and a boy of seven or eight climbed on the side of bus begging for money. I played with orphans, held the hands of children as we walked through the villages, and helped forward the Gospel. I had quite a bit of culture shock going there and coming home. I went from poor to rich and Haitian Creole to English over night.

I can’t imagine what it’s like there right now. How wrecked Port-Au-Prince is. How many bodies are lying in the streets. And the general dispair of searching for family members and for God in this moment. I go back to the memories of these people that had almost nothing to begin with and my heart starts to break for them. My mom put it to me like this, “What happens to people who don’t have anything and something like this happens? What comes after nothing?” I didn’t have an answer.

I have to admit that the trivial things of my life have taken over and I hate it. There’s this paper due for my college class. There’s drama with so and so. We got scripture memory. Let’s do this. Let’s hang out. We got choir/youth group/volunteer at the shelter. How is it that all the trivial things of my life take over my heart and my life?

I can’t be the only one that is guilty of this.

Restoration Time!!!

If you have followed me from my last blog, you should be able to recall a certain blog where I had mentioned that I would be going summer of healing in the post, Summer so far. And it was a healing summer for me. However it seems to have spread into Master’s Commission. Time after time, I’m being healed of things from my parents’ divorce. I’m starting to realize that I’m only affected by the effects. And I’m being healed of the effects. My dad is happy and remarried and my mom is going to get remarried to the man that God has for her. I don’t deal with the same old pain that I had dealt with since my parents divorce.  This sounds so chicle but I’m truly happy for the first time in my life. Like nothing can really get me down… for right now at least. I’m just happy that God is restoring my life and my soul. He’s renewed my walk with him and I want to follow him fearlessly and passionately… all over again. Oh and Jacques comes home from boot camp. I can’t imagine how we are going to fit 3 months of stories in one day but hey… we will find a way!!! God is so Good!!!

A 2009 Recap…

I must admit that 2009 wasn’t the best year of my life. On second thought 2008 wasn’t too hot either. I’ve had better years. Okay maybe the first part of 2009 wasn’t that great. I decided that I was going to try to pursue writing but God had other plans while working at at Wal-Mart. That was the most interesting job one could ever possibly have. I learned to deal with people with grace and not to take things so personally. During this time, I found myself being drawn back to God and his plan for my life. I took a chance and applied for Alliance Master’s Commission because I felt God pulling me towards Master’s again. Anyway things started to change upon a simple cross country drive through this great nation. It’s rather interesting how many detours one is tempted to take on the way home. I enjoyed driving by myself on the way back to my hometown. Only to leave for my second home, Fa-ho-Lo, two weeks later. After getting lifeguard certified and falling off one of the golf carts, the real work began as we settled in our cabins and began to work harder than we ever have before. Between work, lifegaurding, and working the high ropes, I made new friends and reconnected with God on a new personal level. Also in the midst of this, I was accepted to AMC and was promptly thrown into the mudpit by my best friends at camp. Anyway, God began to prepare my heart for what was about to happen to me in Master’s by pushing upon me to continually seek his face in all things. Then God decided to really bless me, He brought Jacques back into my life in the craziest unpredictable way possible. My head was a spinning the three weeks before Master’s when Jacques came back. Finally I found myself with a new family of people that I’mvery happy to be with. Also my amazing boyfriend went to boot camp in November.

This year did come with two losses. My cat, Jasper, passed away in January. Then my beloved Kobyashi was given up because her brakes went out. But God has blessed me with a good last 7 months. And I hope 2010 brings it’s share of God stories and a bunch of new things to learn. So Let’s kick off this decade off right!

Faith And Passion

Talk about some major suckage with the blogging. I get a new blog then I post like twice then fall off the face of the earth? Oh well I guess that’s what life and Master’s Commission does to you. I have been meaning to blog though. Anyway this is the past almost two months in a nut shell: Finished my first semester of SAGU classes, being stretched in every possible which way by myself and by God, downloaded more than 300 songs legally and illegally (Don’t judge me because I’ve bet that you’ve done it too at one point or another.), Jacques is at boot camp and God is answering my prayers for him left and right, and I’m on Christmas Break now. Whew…

Well now that’s out of the way let me share something that has been on my heart lately. Remember when you got saved. Remember the boldness, the new life you were experiencing? The Excitement? What happened to it? I mean when did we stop getting excited? When did that passion burn out? When did that childlike faith become saturated with reality? We all of a suddent have a total knowledge of God then our faith and passion struggles to keep up.

Maybe this hasn’t happened to you but it has to me during the past couple years of being in Master’s and in between. Somewhere between high school and now, I have been told that having faith was crazy and that passion fizzled when I tried to give up my dreams of youth coming to know God. I have been getting back on track for the last several months and healing from the choices that caused me to almost walk away from God but never regaining the faith to believe that God is listening to my prayers. The past couple months of Master’s, God has rocked me in ways to have a childlike  faith and passion again. I want to believe in my prayers for the little things like I used to. I want to be passionately in love with Jesus that it leads people to him.

I’m grateful to God for giving me an example to follow. If anyone has met my mom, you know that she is totally in love with Jesus. And if you have ever told me something bad or told me to pray for you, I’m calling or texting my mom to tell her to pray. We got saved about the same time, but she has still always held on to her childlike faith which as probably made her one of the strongest prayer warriors I have ever known. She has such athority in her words even though her prayers are simple. But God wants us to pray like children would and love him without any holds back. I am so grateful to have such a mother to encourage me and to show me how I should pray. I just want to be like a child again and love Him like I should again…

Prayer Request

My boyfriend, Jacques, left for boot camp yesterday. He left two weeks earlier than we planned. As you can imagine I’m nerve wracked and weeping… Not! On the contrary I’m actually handling this very well because I know it’s God’s plan for him to go. The one thing that I have learned over the past year of my life is that God’s timing isn’t always our timing. After all I was hoping that I would get two weeks with my significant other but God changed that. At first I was weepy and whatnot but soon God started giving me peace and comfort. I’m so happy that he’s going because I know that this is where he’s suppose to be. I guess the real purpose of this blog is to keep him in your prayers that God would protect his mind and heart during the next 13 weeks and for me, that I can concentrate on what God has for me here.

Giving It Back

So I’m going to open up a little and just tell you what’s God been doing in my life this week. Granted I’m not always going start my blogs off like this but it’s cool.

This week Alliance Master’s Commission went to Union City for a Seven Project. It’s totally God that I’m working with Youth Alive this year with AMC like I did in Everfree Master’s Commission. I mean I was pumped to be reaching teens for Jesus with Kurt, Brian, Henry, and the team again. It was different in a lot of ways. For starters there’s a lot more set up but it looks so much better. Then there’s my new Master’s family and the new human videos except for “Everything” by Lifehouse. And my part is now the lead girl and I totally feel Ashleigh’s pain now. Anyway not the point of this. Despite all the changes and what not, God let me in on something. Despite the fact that I had walked away from His original plan for my life, He gave me my entire life back. The fact that I’m in Master’s again is a blessing. Then on top of it’s the MC that took over for EMC. So I know that is just God throwing that in to bless me and to trust in Him more. He also gave me everything that He promised me for this time in my life and I am so humbled and so blessed by my Father. All the glory goes to God.

Oh and on top of it all, I think 2/3 of the crowd we had came down for salvation. I get overwhelmed everytime. I love Jesus…

Something New…

You know this is almost like starting a new journal for me. Unlike most people, I tend to start a new journal when I feel like a new chapter of my life is beginning and the old life is ending. Well that’s how I felt about My Beautiful Collision which is why I started a new one. I felt so weird blogging with it and I couldn’t figure out why that was. I even considered giving up blogging all together. Well God said no to that, so I started a new one. This is my new blog, “Granted”, my journey through Alliance Master’s Commission and the new things that God is doing in my life. So anywhere here it is and Welcome…